Our website is best viewed at 1024 x 768 or higher screen resolution, although an 800 x 600 resolution will suffice. Changing your screen resolution to this setting will "possibly" allow the whole page to be viewed without the need to scroll horizontally.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Several weekends ago, I watched 50/50, a fascinating show about nature and the toll that we humans are taking on our natural environment. A pair of Verreaux's eagles had been nesting in an electricity pylon, and had been displaced when their nest had become damaged during a repair to the pylon. After much debate and discussion, it was decided to erect a very high post upon which a platform could serve as a suitable nesting-site.After the pair has successfully established their home atop the post, they produced two eggs, which the waiting and watching naturalists anxiously observed for signs of hatching.
Soon after the event, they became aware that the older of the pair of chicks had killed the other, in what was termed the "Cain and Abel effect", giving itself thereby the optimum chance of survival, it would at first appear. However, as later research suggested to me, that this had been done in order to keep the predator - prey ratio in balance in that area, thus guaranteeing the species, and the eco - system of which it is part, the best possible chance of survival. So what in my mind initially looked like a savage and deliberate fight to ensure individual survival, appeared to be perhaps an instinctive and inherent compulsion to maintain the survival of the family, and ultimately the species in that area. Different, perhaps, but still with the same result: the death of a possible rival.
(If you are interested to read about the Programme to ensure the survival of these magnificent creatures in Johannesburg and Cape Town, go to
http://www.fitzpatrick.uct.ac.za/africa_birds/ABB12(3)42-46.pdf )
So taken aback was I, that I googled the idea, the better to try to understand something which has been really troubling me of late. I seemed to have got to a place in my life where I needed to come to terms with the concept of rivalry, in particular sibling rivalry, and other similar relationship issues which, like errant birds, had come home to roost. (Pardon the somewhat inelegant pun!)
BIRTH POSITION.
Birth position provides a challenge. The first-born comes with a particular blessing, that of being the total focus of the attention of parents, doting grand-parents, aunts, uncles and the like. But on the arrival of the second-born, he no longer occupies that dizzy status, but is de-throned; the new arrival is far more significant, needing all the attention and energy directed at its survival. The first-born therefore feels resentful and insecure, believing that the second-born now is the favourite. The first-born is required to support the parents and can choose to become a surrogate “parent” figure. Certainly, as he grows, he takes on the responsibility for his sibling, and others which follow. Responsibility now becomes his life-long role and burden. Supplanted and replaced, yet he is required to take responsibility. No longer the favourite, always the dependable.
The Second-born cannot enjoy being the sole focus of attention, but always has to share the limelight: never the star, always second-time-around: his are the second set of teeth; he attends the same nursery school as his elder sibling: he is the second to attend High School, and so on, ad infinitum. He in his turn feels insecure and believes that the first-born is favoured.And so on, down the line. Each birth position provides challenges. And each child, ironically, firmly believes the other to be more fortunate and favoured than he. So the rivalry and feeling of being somehow incomplete begins, to challenge the development of confidence and security of each individual throughout his life.
PRIMOGENITURE.
Historically, birth position determined the inheritance of property. The principle of primogeniture guaranteed that the first-born son received the family lands, properties and titles, leaving all other sons, and especially daughters, with nothing. The practice was instituted in order to preserve the integrity of the land, and prevent the fragmentation of estates into ever smaller portions. No small wonder that there were rivalry and bitterness among the frustrated and unfulfilled family members: intra-family feuds which ate into the structure, stability and integrity of noble and landed families.
COURTLY LOVE.
An interesting result of this practice of primogeniture in the Middle Ages in England and France was that there were many testosterone-rich young men: second-born, third-born and so on, who had no land nor any available means of livelihood. They were ripe for acceptance in the bands of “knights-of-old”, ready to go dashing around in search of activities which would enable them to get rid of their pent-up energies, frustrations and resentments. Many of them did not marry, but devoted their lives in allegience to the “lady-of-the-castle”, wife of their liege-lord, never to know or experience a fulfilment in love themselves. Their devotion was based upon sexual desire, yet it was not to be requited. Medieval literature is replete with tales of chivalry and the legend of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table still fascinates. Troubadours sang of love unreturned, devotion, sacrifice and tragic loss, when an illicit liason ended in discovery and banishment. One can only imagine the torture, physical, emotional and spiritual, which these men must have gone through. The ambivalence of devotion and desire towards the lady, and loyalty and service to the lord, must have been a terrible form of bondage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtly_love
Perhaps we may believe that we are a far cry from Cain and Abel, eagles and knights-of-old and that we have come a long way in our modern world from all those dramatic tales of rivalry and conflict. But it seems to me that each of us has experienced the challenges posed by our birth position in the family. We have too even experienced difficulties and problems with friends or colleages who have provided us with just such similar situations. We tend to react in similar vein again and again, as though programmed to repeat the old instinctual reactions.
So, next time you have a problem with a fellow-worker, ask what his birth position is, and you might be surprised to realise that your relationship and respective birth positions have catapulted back to your respective ancient grudges!
It is only when we become aware of these archetypal human and social roles in our lives that we are able to transcend them. We do not need to continue playing the first-born, second-born or any other number-born: we can be free just to be ourselves.
But how do we do that? To remake what has become an instinctive habit, takes awareness, a strong will and perseverance.
First, we need to accept that we are flawed in this area, and need to change. Then, each and every time we feel ourselves reacting as a first-, or second-born...or any other.. to watch our reaction, and try consciously to adjust it so that we do not to include the sensitivity and feeling of being offended or abused. Each time we try to change will be a victory, and eventually, we will be able to prevent the feelings of insecurity, and stop the chain reaction before it gets going.
As with every improvement we can make to our lives, we do need to believe in ourselves and to keep going. Don't lose heart: celebrate every small victory and realise that today, you are more effective than you were yesterday, and that you are growing stronger with each new challenge.
Subscribe